Dangerous games

I've put my foot in it again, after a promise to myself not to let my emotions take control of me.

Well it's a very sad story of me falling inlove after a very and when i say very, i truly mean a very long time of casual affairs, one night stands, stalkers and obssesses lil' mother fuckers that don't know when to let go.

I'm inlove with this friend of mine. If i could explain my love for him in two words, i guess it would have to be "unexpected and complete" i don know if it makes any sense but lets jus leave it at that becoz it would take a whole lot of my time sitting in front of this thing and trying to explain...

We have what you mite call a ghostly relationship, it only comes alive at nite and more frequently when we drunk or when one of us is or when someone decides to speak up about their feelings, and that only last for like 5 -10 minutes max and then we sort of drift away to doing our things again and pretend as if nothing hppened. A whole lot of my friend think it's me because apparently i'm a risk to have as a straight girlfriend (which he wishes for me to be) or a girlfriend period and that's what he also keeps telling people. Apparently I'm the type of person who would wake up one morning and decide that fuck all of this and just walk, this being said by one of my friends and i sort of think he was told this as well...

Anyhu i am inlove and eveytime i try to clear the air between us becoz i am seriously confused and am not really sure where i stand, with him that is, i don know he sort of seems distant and not really interested in what i have to say or it mite b me reading too much into it. Rite now i don even know whether to go see him or jus let it go or do something and i'm going insane becoz i have all of these ? marks in my head...