Dangerous games

I've put my foot in it again, after a promise to myself not to let my emotions take control of me.

Well it's a very sad story of me falling inlove after a very and when i say very, i truly mean a very long time of casual affairs, one night stands, stalkers and obssesses lil' mother fuckers that don't know when to let go.

I'm inlove with this friend of mine. If i could explain my love for him in two words, i guess it would have to be "unexpected and complete" i don know if it makes any sense but lets jus leave it at that becoz it would take a whole lot of my time sitting in front of this thing and trying to explain...

We have what you mite call a ghostly relationship, it only comes alive at nite and more frequently when we drunk or when one of us is or when someone decides to speak up about their feelings, and that only last for like 5 -10 minutes max and then we sort of drift away to doing our things again and pretend as if nothing hppened. A whole lot of my friend think it's me because apparently i'm a risk to have as a straight girlfriend (which he wishes for me to be) or a girlfriend period and that's what he also keeps telling people. Apparently I'm the type of person who would wake up one morning and decide that fuck all of this and just walk, this being said by one of my friends and i sort of think he was told this as well...

Anyhu i am inlove and eveytime i try to clear the air between us becoz i am seriously confused and am not really sure where i stand, with him that is, i don know he sort of seems distant and not really interested in what i have to say or it mite b me reading too much into it. Rite now i don even know whether to go see him or jus let it go or do something and i'm going insane becoz i have all of these ? marks in my head...

Bored stiff

Nst is really boring these days or maybe i'm boring, i don't know but eish i'v been spending a lot of time by myself well that's if u take out the pest i call my boyfriend who does not want to go home, even if i don't pay him any attention...

Oh fuck i just thot about it now, reasons y ma friends don't wanna hang with me anymore is becoz of him, don know y i haven't thot of this before. everytime when they still use to call me, they'd asked me hu i was with and i'd mention him and they'll be like oh ok we'll c u later and guess what they neva came. How could i have been so oblivious...

Wanted to write about how boring this place is but i just realized it's not the place.it is really, well not really me but me. if you get what i'm tryin to say...

Cloud 9 no more... MEN

Mara y, when i finally think i have a gud thing,well sort of, he jus had to go and ruin it by trying to turn me into something i'm not and will never be. Hu does he think he is...

Yersterday i got myself a 6 of hunters, a box of heaven and couldn't wait to get home, relax and enjoy my hollyherb while sipiin on my refreshments. whilst still changing into something comfortable, bf calls and ask if he cud be picked up from home and i'm like sure thing, a mate to share in my bliss...

Well lets just say it almost did not happen, when we returned and i was getting ready to enjoy, sitting very comfortably. he goes and says don't i think my drinking is a problem and i shud take a brake for the next couple of weeks or so and i shud also stop smoking weed, and i was like hell u do not tell me what to do and if u have a problem with it, don't let the door hit on your way out...

I can't believe he had the nerve to even say that to me

Been tryin to write something for the past couple of days, but i seem to have a mind block. I think I've finally lost it, i hear leaving in a small town sort of does that to your brain. You can't think past their little matchbox. I doubt i even think anymore and if you see me i guess you'll know what I'm talking about. I spot this blank look on my face, u'd swear i was lost or am about to brake down in tears and start calling for my mommy...

I think I need, c I don't even know what i need...

Cloud 9...for now

Finally I got myself a new man, after a whole 2 months of loneliness... Finding a man in this place is hard, its either they married or dating a suga mama... I just hope he isn't either of those or maybe thinks I'm gonna be his suga mama, since he is younger than me and all but only by a couple of years.
Anyways i hope this time it will last, for more than 3 months that is because i don think i wanna date anyone else from this town anymore, being it a small town and all, wouldn't wanna paint a bad pic of myself.
And just when I thought life was going my way some crappy company decides to make life difficult for me by telling me that they wanna sue my arse because of some article i wrote about them, its madness, but i still think they have no leg to stand on and they must bring it on. Been waiting for smething ecxiting to happen lately...

If u eva thought of sharing a house with more than one person, i'd advise u not 2 especialy if the others are stuck up hypocrites who do not have a backbone and seem to think they know everything...
Eish now our house has turned into this not so cosy place to be in, I'm actually thinking of movin out. Even our friends don't come around anymore, i don't blame, half the time i dread going to that place myself. Now i think i shud start looking for my replacement before i turn into little Ms Grumpy.
I'm a very happy person, i can't get used to this way of living. I think it's even affecting my health...

UNDERSTAND

Well fcuk it, I'm tired of people telling me flippin understand, it's bullcrap. I can't just sit by and let people ruin my things and be expected to understand because they never went to school. It does not take a genius to know how to wash and clean, more especially if u came knocking on my door asking for a job, well I guess some people don't really give a rats behind if its not their stuff and then mina I'm expected to smile and kiss ur arse because u tolarate my being not so tidy, then what the hell would I pay u for if I started cleaning after myself. I'v had it with being nice and polite.